BLOW ME — 9oz Soy Candle

Polite candles are overrated.  This one says “BLOW ME.”

Equal parts mood lighting and personality test, this 9oz soy candle is for people who are done pretending they’re the calm, neutral friend. Set it out on your coffee table and let it do the talking while guests decide whether to laugh, gasp, or ask where you got it.

Light it after a long day of emails, meetings that should’ve been emails, and people testing your patience. The soothing white sage & lavender scent fills the room with calm energy — which is ironic, considering the label is doing the exact opposite.

When the candle burns out, the reusable glass jar sticks around as a permanent reminder that your home décor has a sense of humor… and absolutely zero filter.

Soft glow. Sharp attitude.

Because sometimes aromatherapy isn’t enough — you also need a little sarcasm.

Eco-friendly soy wax – Vegan, clean-burning, and non-toxic… so at least one thing in your life is healthy.

Reusable glass vessel – When the candle’s gone, wash it out and reuse it for plants, pens, snacks, or the tiny secrets you pretend you don’t have.

Scent: White Sage & Lavender – Calm, soothing, and far more relaxing than the words printed on the front.

50–60 hour burn time – Plenty of time to enjoy the glow while silently judging everyone around you.

ASTM safety compliant – Because sarcasm is dangerous enough without the candle joining in.

Compact 9oz size (2.8″ × 3.5″) – Small enough to fit anywhere, bold enough to offend someone eventually.

Care Instructions (Because Apparently We Have to Say This)

Keep candle within sight while burning – Fire is beautiful… and also not something you should wander away from.

Keep away from children and pets – They’re curious, and flames don’t negotiate.

Never burn near flammable objects – Curtains, paper, your ex’s love letters… you get the idea.